The Curse of Alana’s Fabrics

IIt was a dark gloomy, March day in Colorado, with a crisp chill in the air that said, “winter isn’t over yet.”1 My Mom and I walked into Alana’s Fabrics2 looking for a specific shade of 1.5 inch medium grey velvet ribbon for the tiers of my wedding cake. The shop keeper pulled out a book of velvet swatches and informed us she could order anything. She seemed a little suspicious, should she be believed?3 I decided to order the ribbon – it would arrive in the beginning of April with plenty of time to spare before the wedding on May 27th.

On an afternoon on early April I dialed the number of Alana’s Fabrics. “Hello,” a voice said hoarsely from the other end.4 “Hello, this is Laurel. Has my ribbon been delivered?” I replied. “Oh yes,” she said, “It won’t be here for another month.” I hung up.

The month of my wedding arrived and there was a nagging in the back of my mind that said, “you need to check on that grey velvet ribbon you ordered.” I dialed the number of Alana’s Fabrics again. Same conversation, same response. I was to call back in two weeks. The time was starting to vanish like breath on a frigid winter day but I kept holding onto hope.

The nagging inside me grew worse and worse as the days passed, I needed that grey velvet ribbon. Two weeks later I dialed the number of Alana’s Fabrics for the last time. “Your ribbon should be here on Friday the 25th,”5 the scratchy voice retorted.  Fine.

I wasn’t going to play her games anymore. I decided to take matters into my own hands. I opened my laptop and it creaked in resistance.6 My fingers were flying over the keys as I typed into the search engine, 1.5 inch grey velvet ribbon. And there it was, a website that had the ribbon I so desired. I quickly ordered the ribbon and selected overnight delivery.

That night my phone rang, it was the scratchy voice. “Your ribbon will be here tomorrow, we paid for expidited shipping” she said. “I don’t need it anymore.” I told her. “I ordered something else.”

On Monday I peered into my mailbox, nothing. Had the mailman delivered the ribbon to another unit in my building?7 The tracking number said it was delivered. I was starting to get paranoid. Had Scratchy Voice put a curse on me for not buying the ribbon from her?8 Would I have to use a cheap satin ribbon instead?

On Tuesday I peered into my mailbox again and there it was, my grey velvet ribbon sparkling in a halo of light. Now my wedding would finally be complete.9 I began to relax – I obviously wasn’t right in the head when I thought I was cursed.

My sister offered to take all the cake items to the bakery for me so I could finish some other wedding items. I carefully packaged up the cake topper, gum paste flowers, and velvet ribbon in a box and handed it off to her.

15 minutes later my phone rang. “I was in a car accident. I was rear-ended by a man in diabetic shock. The box was in the trunk. All your wedding cake items are ruined,” my sister wailed.10 There really was a curse. I wasn’t overreacting after all.

A large grey velvet cloud was cast upon my wedding and I never recovered from the terrible events that transpired over those months.11 This is a cautionary tale to those who are planning their weddings. Be careful not to upset fabric store owners with scratchy voices.12

[1] It was actually a bright, sunny day as most are in Colorado.

[2] Name changed to protect identity.

[3] She actually didn’t seem suspicious at all, a little flakey maybe…

[4] Her voice was only hoarse because she seemed like the type who smoked cigarettes her entire life.

[5] I needed to deliver the ribbon along with other cake items to the bakery by Wednesday the 23rd.

[6] My laptop was really open already.

[7] The mailman had actually delivered items to other units in the weeks prior to this.

[8] Paranoid is a strong word. Stressed out is what I really was.

[9] The ribbon was slightly off in its shade, a little too blue for my taste but I knew it would work.

[10] Don’t worry, my sister, Ariel was fine despite some back pain. Her car wasn’t though, poor Ford Focus was totaled. As for the wedding cake items, they were all fine too and as we all know the cake came out great. But it make me wonder if perhaps the wedding Gods were trying to tell me that grey velvet ribbon wasn’t the way to go. It was like that movie, Final Destination, where a group of teenagers avoided death and it came back to get them with a vengeance. Only somehow vengeance was taken out on my Sister, not me.

[11] Obviously, this is an uber fabrication. My wedding was amazing, beautiful, bright, and happy. I couldn’t have imagined it being better.

[12] This part is all true.

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